Fifty Minutes With the Stated Clerk
Shrink: "So, you're feeling alright, then?"
Stated Clerk: "Sure. I feel great."
Shrink: "The denominational confusion and dissonance isn't taking a toll?"
Stated Clerk: "What confusion?"
Shrink: "All the confusion over ordination standards."
Stated Clerk: "I don't see confusion on that issue."
Shrink: "Well, come on. I mean, one of your Presbyteries just ordained a dog."
Stated Clerk: "We're an inclusive church."
Shrink: "All the dog did during its examination on the Presbytery floor was bark!"
Stated Clerk: "To expect a certain answer from the ordinand would be subscriptionism."
Shrink: "How is the mutt going to carry out his parish duties?"
Stated Clerk: "Please don't use gender exclusive language. It's oppressive."
Shrink: (Sigh) "How will the canine carry out the canine's parish duties?"
Stated Clerk: "A ministry of presence. How else?"
Shrink: "So none of this troubles you?"
Stated Clerk: "What troubles me is having ordaining bodies that narrowly interpret the Constitution to mean what the language says it means and then to attempt to heavy-handedly apply that meaning to process. I fear we have many amongst us who think that the Constitution guides our process, instead of the other way around."
Shrink: "We're getting off the subject here--but how can you have any guidance or common mission if the process is paramount?"
Stated Clerk: "Ask the dog."
Shrink: "!"
Stated Clerk: "Sure. I feel great."
Shrink: "The denominational confusion and dissonance isn't taking a toll?"
Stated Clerk: "What confusion?"
Shrink: "All the confusion over ordination standards."
Stated Clerk: "I don't see confusion on that issue."
Shrink: "Well, come on. I mean, one of your Presbyteries just ordained a dog."
Stated Clerk: "We're an inclusive church."
Shrink: "All the dog did during its examination on the Presbytery floor was bark!"
Stated Clerk: "To expect a certain answer from the ordinand would be subscriptionism."
Shrink: "How is the mutt going to carry out his parish duties?"
Stated Clerk: "Please don't use gender exclusive language. It's oppressive."
Shrink: (Sigh) "How will the canine carry out the canine's parish duties?"
Stated Clerk: "A ministry of presence. How else?"
Shrink: "So none of this troubles you?"
Stated Clerk: "What troubles me is having ordaining bodies that narrowly interpret the Constitution to mean what the language says it means and then to attempt to heavy-handedly apply that meaning to process. I fear we have many amongst us who think that the Constitution guides our process, instead of the other way around."
Shrink: "We're getting off the subject here--but how can you have any guidance or common mission if the process is paramount?"
Stated Clerk: "Ask the dog."
Shrink: "!"
posted by The Parson | 11:19 AM
6 Comments:
I love it -- thanks for writing this.
Damned fine humor!
Thanks for the wit in a time of woe!
PS--
Sorry about the language, but I thought it within the bounds of taste. You cheered up my evening!
that is so GOOD. It was what I needed today. Thanks.
Red Cleric
As long as the dog doesn't advocate per capita withholding and afirms that all property belongs to the denomination, what's the problem??
By the way, I don't appreciate your anti-dog agenda. Your insinuation that ordaining dogs is somehow "wrong" betrays your humanist bigotry. Until the Church leads the way in overcoming specieism, the wildly inclusive Gospel of Jesus Christ will never be realized.
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